12:29 p.m. on 2003-02-04

whew.. try this on

I�m wearing tennis shoes from my senior year in high school that I found when I was cleaning out my closet. They are creamish looking with a tear on each shoe at the point of connection of the fabric and man made rubber. And on one end of the lace is a yarn friendship bracelet tied on. The left shoe has neon orange, green, yellow and pink colored on. The right shoe has neon blue, orange, green and pink one. I�m wearing foot powder because my feet are dry and need lotion but as I�m wearing shoes without socks, that just gets gross. But my legs and forearms are wearing lotion.

I realized I�m behind in a class today, the net class of course. I�m not that totally far behind, I have all of February to do it. But the professor did post information about it January 28th. It�s already the 4th. 10 days �til Valentine�s Day, 24 days �til March. I don�t know what I�m going to do for Valentine�s or Spring Break. I know what I want to do for Spring Break, but I don�t know if anyone would agree that I should do it. And Valentine�s Day just seems sorta awkward with so much distance. I don�t know why I�m thinking about it today. I had this horrible mind-wandering �day dream� in the shower.. It made me cry, I guess that�s it. I must be feeling the distance.

Stupid Valentine�s Day, does anyone actually like this holiday? It�s either awkward or lonely yet our society permits it to continue. I think our values have changed. I mean people still want love and romance but �whore-ish� attitudes or career goals have taken over that I think makes love mean less or more non-existent respectively. Well, I guess I should hold off on my feelings of love, hope, excitement, and disappointment until it gets closer to the day. Oh, that was a harsh daydream I had though.. but it ended really good.

But in other news, tell me this picture would not make a perfect composition of the play of shadow and light:

I was deleting images of me shoes, and I saw my cam was directed at that scene. I thought it was great. Dramatic, like 40s detective mystery; like you could pan over to the left and expect to see a guy in a fedora with a trench coat with his feet on the desk talking to a woman with her blonde hair up neatly and a simple dress and mink with a belt and gloves. And maybe a little hat with lace.. ..In black and white..

Today I�m concerned and I feel like I was a letdown yesterday. Like I had a duty that I failed to do. I hope they can forgive me. I would have done all I could if I could have stayed. I felt like shit for leaving.

Oh, and I feel like a rolly-poly lately.. and my father coming back bringing FUDGE doesn�t help that. I�m glad my father is back safely though. I just wish he wouldn�t go grocery shopping =) ..keep that man away, he gets German chocolate brownies, and cookies.. I really wish he wouldn�t..and I really wish I had the control to keep way from them but they are right there, every time I go to get water or a real meal, they are screaming �COME EAT ME. LOOK OVER.. WE�RE SWEET AND CHOCOLATEY.. YOU LIKE CHOCOLATE� ..stupid sugar.

Take care, eh

Xxox

around to the front - what's next? huh? where to?

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